SPH Magazines 1 - MediaCorp Magazines 0

I Googled "SPH Magazines" and "MediaCorp Magazines" for research.

Google results for "SPH Magazines" showed, no surprise, results and links to SPH Magazines and SPH websites.

Google results for "MediaCorp Magazines" showed hits for MediaCorp Magazines. Oh, just that SPH Magazines decided to cockblock MediaCorp by buying Google Ads using what I'd consider to be very "strategic" choice words.

Evidently SEO is the new digital cockblocking.

Sincerely,
Your Patron Saint for Search Engine Optimisation

I love Korean dramas for their realism and positive influence on society

Their plot revolves around modern Korean society and therefore must reflect its values (kimchi, women desperate to get married) and anxieties (the best plastic surgeon, women desperate to get married).

The standard Korean fare goes like this: we have the male lead who must be from an upper class family. He will have impeccable hair created by two on-set hair stylists using two cans of hairspray and half a tub of Brycreem. He will initially resent the female lead and is engaged to/pursued by the second female lead who must also be from an upper class background. It's important that he graduated from the likes of Princeton and manages his father's company but is always at risk of being cut off if he disobeys his father and doesn't marry the rich second female lead.

The female lead: she will be of humble but honest background. She will be purer than glacier ice and more resilient than the peasants of North Korea. She hasn't had much opportunities until episode 1 when she bumps into the male lead and physically knocks him down and episode 8 when she is offered some managerial post in the rich kid's company because her kindness towards senior citizens and stray animals and her experience in preparing vats of kimchi in a cost-effective manner are distinguishing virtues for a corporate environment in Korea.

The second female lead: she will be from a upper class background because no one wants to watch television about poor people. She is well-educated but the one thing she fails to learn from her expensive education is that there many eligible young men on the planet who are very happy to help her exceed her seemingly limitless credit card limit and who can give her the time of her life instead of having to incessantly whine after the male lead who's prettier than her. She will become competitive towards the female lead and will vocalise her dissatisfaction by squealing in high-pitch tones and stomping her feet like a spoilt brat. She will not end up with the male lead despite her best laid plans. There is a 50% chance she will find love with another supporting male lead whom no one cares about. If she doesn't get married she will die.

The male lead's family: this comprises his industrial father, his stuck-up mother and an annoying or idiotic sister. His father is tough on him because he secretly resents his son for enjoying the fruits of his own labour, and for being younger and hotter than he will ever be. His mother dislikes the female lead because she was from a similar humble background but now she has made it and there is really only room for one kimchi queen in the household. His sister's either annoying or a retard.

The female lead's family: her parents are good people although sometimes one parent will have died or is a gambling addict. They will be against her relationship with the male lead because they deem themselves unworthy (way to instill confidence in your Asian child) and they think he's only after her looks (he's not. He's too engrossed in himself and anyway she looks like 36,000,000 other Korean actresses because they all graduated from the same plastic surgery clinic).

The extended family members: they are the unfortunate characters who failed to get plastic surgery and can only provide unrealistic comic relief.

The plot development: at this point I don't care anymore.


Sincerely,
Your Patron Saint for Good TV

Tim Roth for Prada

3.39am
EJ: and i'm still awake
Me: still thinking about those prada and dries?

I know I would too, if I had also turned down gifts from an older "friend." EJ's explanation was that he was young and we know we are all foolish when young. I suppose I might have done the same too. But I also suppose the price for integrity, for turning down Dries van Noten suits and Prada sandals as a declaration of self-independence was to be haunted by enameled metal Prada tags later in life on cold dark nights.

The critically acclaimed documentary series Will & Grace devoted one episode to discussing this. Will, played by Eric McCormack who has either retired or doesn't seem to have a career outside of W&G, found himself receiving gifts of expensive art and designer suits from an older gentleman he met at an auction. The "benefactor" explained he simply takes delight in sharing the finer things in life with "friends" who can appreciate them with him. This is an example of how Will appreciates fine things:

Will: Chanel ski boots?? I've always wanted these! I've never needed them! (Will proceeds to squeal and jump in front of benefactor while clenching the boots)

Because Will is a highly successful corporate lawyer, it only takes him over half an episode's air time and incessant prompting from his desperate hausfrau Grace to realise the nature of his relationship with his benefactor. He pointedly asks the benefactor if he wants something more in return. Señor Benefactor becomes hurt at the accusation and asks Will to leave his house sans the Chanel ski boots.

First of all, I didn't know Chanel made ski boots. Second, why would Will be that rude to his benefactor before safely tucking away the Chanel ski boots? Why?

Fortunately balance is restored to our universe when Señor Benefactor quickly finds a replacement friend (an upgrade to Brandon Routh). If an older "friend" wants to deck me in Prada and pet me like a Labrador, I really shouldn't deny the person the pleasure. The challenge is never learning how to appreciate Chanel ski boots - oh I will wear them in Singapore - the challenge is also not how to maintain the shiny enameled relationship without coming off like Will. The challenge is to know your price. Because everyone has a price.

Just ask Tim Roth circa. 1996

"Lie to me and I'll be your best friend"

How Tim Roth started his "hands-in-pocket" stance

Tim Roth practices his signature hooligan walk

Norman Reedus follows suit in 1997. Atta boy!

Sincerely,
Your Patron Saint for Beneficiaries

What's a Boy to Do

Happy Father's Day!

Sincerely,
Your Patron Saint for Those With Daddy Issues

Ray-Bans in the Office

This morning I was in my boss' office with a few other colleagues. As the discussion went on I started to disengage and drift. I had learned from onlookers that I can be pretty darn obvious when I disengage. I usually mask it very well, by periodically nodding, willing myself to look at the subject talking and not look through the person and generate some form of facial expression to indicate my level of alertness on the Glasgow Coma Scale. My drifting stopped when a friend PS messaged me:

PS: R u very afraid of the sun?
Me: Why?
PS: My friend's company is looking for someone to do corporate sustainability. Liaise with greenpeace n wwf. But becoz it's dealing in palm oil u will have to be visiting plantations very often in the hot sun
Me: Yes, I'm very interested
PS: U don't seem like the rugged type
Me: i'm trained in unarmed combat, close-quarter combat, frontline medical aid, night and day offensive mission
PS: can u send me your CV then

I send the text conversation to another friend Jio once I got back to my desk. She shared her enthusiasm:

Jo: bwahahahahahahahahah knn all lies "i'm trained in unarmed combat, close-quarter combat, frontline medical aid, night and day offensive mission" made it sound like you are super outdoorsy type
Me: hahahhahahah i was infantry. but yeah, wrote like i'm delta force
Jo: hahhahahah your friend has good reason to doubt
Me: hahhahahaha i know
Jo: it's hard to keep a straight face reading

At lunchtime I put on my Ray-Ban aviators and I feel my neck, ears, hands, really just any exposed part of me, get scorched by the sun as I cross the road. Back at my desk where I still feel the back of my neck burning, I email PS my CV and then I lean back, tilt my head up and close my eyes. But the fluorescent lights are harsh and unflattering. So I put on my Ray-Bans and imagine I'm chilling in some Mediterranean place like San Marino. Or maybe San Sebastian in Spain. Of course I don't imagine myself under direct sunlight so I vision myself on a shaded hotel balcony. There's a plate of fresh fruits, a pot of tea and a bottle of still mineral water on the table. And I slouch down in the chair, drape one arm over the next chair, and take a drag of my Davidoff cigarette.

The Royal Throne

So I'm sitting on the throne and I'm thinking of what I can do today.

I can head on down to a Starbucks and lounge for hours
+ Plus: I can bring one of the many books which I always keep buying but never read. Right this moment I have in mind Alain Badiou's Infinite Thought. I can order something like a salad so I can mindlessly pick at something while looking deep in thought with my book.
- Minus: The wooden chairs are never comfortable enough and the comfortable couches look like they have never been cleaned. I would have to avoid physical skin contact with the upholstery.

It's sale season so I can go shopping and bury myself in conspicuous consumption
+ Plus: Conspicuous consumption. Shopping at a sale.
- Minus: The weekend crowd. Shopping at a sale.

I can visit the ArtScience Museum for the Dali and Van Gogh exhibitions
+ Plus: According to my colleagues who have visited it, the museum architecture is contemporary and the interior space reminds them of the Guggenheim.
- Minus: It's at Marina Bay Sands which is a chore to get to. I don't care for the casinos, have not ever and will not start. (I also refuse to call the casinos "integrated resorts." Integrated with what?)

While I continue to mull these options I start to think about putting my thoughts down on a blog. I do my best thinking in the bathroom and very often I wished I had an outlet for them. The world is overflowing with information and we are bombarded everyday with advertisement and news, much of I do not care about. Sitting on the throne today makes me want to add my own narcissistic voice to the pool, to pen down my random stream of consciousness so that like Bradley Cooper's character in Limitless someday my mind will map out a path of useful and compelling information to understand why.